Making Moves...

Wow. I am 28 years old and just now trying to find myself. Plain and simple-well, at least I thought. I have been through some absolutely amazing and tragically difficult times over the past year of my life. I need to find out who I am…and be happy with myself. This is my challenge. Everyone who knows me (or claims to know me) is marveling in the fact that they thought I had my shit together and had the "perfect" life. I have a great job, a wonderful family and group of friends and material possessions that people are envious of (which apparently makes my life, perfect?)–however, I am not happy. I have lived for other people for so long…trying to give and get affirmation to truly feel my worth. I am tired of being the person that helps everyone else out. I need to help myself out. 

Sooo (insert Ryan's crazy Michigan accent)... in an effort to change that, I am challenging myself. I decided that I need to be truly confident and love who I am. So the sick idea I came up with to best accomplish that was...a fitness competition. SHIT. I know, way to swing for the fences, Lauren. Anyone who knows me knows I HATE to go to the gym. Actually, I retract that statement. I hate to do cardio. While I have done it, and bitched along the way, I understand that it does help. I get good at becoming a regular at the gym, however, one slip up turns into a landslide of laziness. I started last year towards the same goal..and I used every excuse in the book of why I didn't make it:

• My trainer moved (who was amazing...and totally not her fault for the move)
• I was in a new relationship with a man I absolutely adored, and frankly wanted to spend all my time with him
• There were too many distractions..Bronco Games, Vacations
• Naysayers...way, to be positive...you jerks! (However, you were right...I couldn't do it). 
• I hated cardio!
• The diet sucks. Like, really sucks. 

And you ask, what is going to be different this time?! Well, I am doing this for me. I need to get me right. I have committed to myself these next six months are all about me. All of my effort is in this. My trainer is amazing, not planning on moving, and will kick my ass. When going through my breakup this summer, I found a quote Demi Lovato said in Cosmopolitan magazine that inspired me and gave me strength in sitting in my emotion. It is no different here. There are going to be times that I want to quit or cheat or act out. I have to sit in the pain, the struggle, the frustration in order to achieve my goal. I am a BADASS, and I can do this.

 While there will be distractions and naysayers along the way, I have decided quitting isn't an option. I have even started to challenge those naysayers; my boss suggested work starts a pool around how long I will last! However, I may be a hot mess. In fact, I will guarantee I will be a hot mess sometimes, if not most of the time. There may or may not be public tantrums in my future. I may show my hangry (hungry + angry) attitude more often than not. But I have a great set of people supporting me who will aid in my perseverance. THANK YOU for your continued support and belief in my abilities.That AND I have told more people than not about me doing this...I refuse to be a quitter. 

I will try and post pictures as often as I possibly can. Everyday may be a stretch...but I am working on it! 

I have my first training session tonight with Robert, and you bet you'll hear about it. 

P.S. I gave myself a "push" gift...a brand new pair of Beats by Dre head phones. I think I am going to need a ton of "along the journey" incentives...good thing Under Armour is sold just about everywhere. 

-LD