I'm sitting in my best friend's hospital room waiting for the arrival of baby Baylor. It is soooo crazy, I can't believe the day is here. It's 11:46 PM and she's 7cm dilated. Such big changes going on for all of us. Being in here, it is so different than what I had expected. I thought the nurses would be in and out checking her dilation constantly...and there to be a buzz around the hospital. Nope. We have the Olympics on, in the dark, relaxing in almost complete silence. All we hear is the precious beating of Baylor's heart; and his occasional hiccups :).
Looks like he will make his debut on 2.11.14. So exciting!
It has been such a long time since I last wrote. Almost a month...crazy. I thought through this process, I would write a lot more. I thought that it was cathartic and would be a great outlet. And honestly, I thought I would be a lot more dramatic. I have kept it pretty together. There have been several times I thought I was reaching my breaking point, yet I didn't break. Or cry. Or really anything. CRAZY. Maybe I am stronger than I thought.
This last month since writing has been a little stressful. I didn't seem to be losing any weight, and my progress pics didn't seem to be showing any improvements. I was pissed. I have always known that my body hated losing weight, but I figured with all the hardcore training and dieting, something would happen.
-I changed my diet three times
-I added morning fasted cardio
-I hadn't cheated on my diet once
-I prayed. Again.
And nothing. Seriously. I had another several moments of doubting God. It keeps feeling like nothing ever goes my way. In meeting with Rob, we were at a loss. He explained he was going to deplete my water on a trial run to test it for the real thing. If this didn't work, I was pretty much screwed. I was worried, because I honestly didn't think with my luck it would work. However, I wasn't worried because I am not a big water drinker. I thought, "No big deal. I got this handled...I don't need water." Holy shit I was wrong.
On a positive note, I gained a partner in crime throughout this ordeal. Another one of Rob's clients, Shauna, was planning on doing the show too. While at first I was worried I would hate her, I quickly learned that she would turn out to be the most amazing person...ever! And seriously, fucking hilarious. I may need to do a blog post of all the funny, random shit she says.
Back to my story...we depleted our water together. I seriously wanted to die. Fuck me, it was the most horrible time yet. I literally felt like death. I took a nap at my desk during lunch on day three of depletion...I was a hot mess.
I did, however, get really creative with my egg whites. I mixed my chocolate protein with them and microwaved them...and it turned into a marshmallow-y blob. At first, tasted great. After a while, it was starting to get to me. I would get chunks that tasted great, followed by chunks that tasted like chocolate eggs. Gag me.
After depleting for four days, Shauna and I had met with Rob. I went from 122.6 to roughly 116. Holy shit, I hate retaining water. Six fucking pounds....really?! Rob said that I am almost right where I need to be as far as weight, I just need to lose a couple more pounds. Also, I can start seeing definition in my abs...yes!!
Just a couple! He also checked my body fat...and I am down to 18.8%! FUCK YEAH...AMAZING. I have about 8% left to lose over the next 61 days. I lost 4% last month and need to continue at that pace over the next 60 days.
I am still scared. I'm afraid I won't be ready in time. I freak out over the tiniest things...like eating a chicken salad tonight with a banana (because I was in the hospital) instead of the salmon and cottage cheese on my my diet. It is making me crazy. While I am thankful for the dedication to my plan...sometimes I am too much for my own good. I need to relax. I am glad to be sitting in this room, chatting with my best friend, waiting for the arrival of her first baby. Crazy. I'm gonna be an auntie. And while my head is freaking out about what I ate, and how I skipped the gym tonight, I wouldn't miss it for the world. And maybe, just maybe, God will understand...and throw me a bone this week.
And because this is a personal journey too, I had a great opportunity to see how God is working in my life. For the first time, ever, I realized and was thankful for unanswered prayers. Wow, going from doubting God to thanking him in one post...yep, that's typically Lauren. For so long I prayed and prayed and prayed...and was so frustrated that my prayers weren't answered. Again, I thought God was against me, but I've seen now everything is exactly how it's supposed to be. It didn't make the pain justified, or my hurt gone, but I know that God is protecting me because he loves me so much. And there are days where I am still upset, still frustrated...but I know better days are coming.
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