I would say that it is because I am soooo busy, but I could make time. I guess it is just because I have been stuck in a rut. Frustrated, overwhelmed, anxious, crazy...I have been feeling all of it. That being said, I could be better. I should be better.
On a side note, it has been amazing picking up a second family at the gym. I joke around with everyone, but I truly feel like a local celebrity. I know everyone, everyone knows me. Both the staff and regulars form such an amazing family.
Again over the last month, a lot has happened. I was sitting pretty stagnant for all of January and February at 120lbs. My body fat was steadily going down, but it still was bugging me. I started getting to the point where I was irritated. I was getting bitter about going to the gym. I didn't want to work out in the morning...or even at night. I had more fun shooting the shit with the 24hr staff than making it happen. Particularly on Tuesday nights...
I hate Tuesday nights at the gym. IT IS PACKED! I have no idea why. Seriously...why Tuesday nights?! About three weeks ago, I was bitching to my friend Nick at 24. I explained all of the above. I was worn out, tired, burnt out, scared, anxious...you name it. I showed him my workout, which at the time was five sets of 20 reps of about 15-20 exercises. That in addition to my morning and evening cardio, abs and daily exercises...I was in over my head.
At that time, another trainer peeked his head around the wall and started listening to our conversation. He asked to see my diet and regiment...and was shocked. To be honest, I was shocked he was shocked. He told me that the diet I had and the routine I had was insane. He told me I was working too hard and eating too clean to only have seen the results I had. Excuse me, what?! I worked my ass off for the past four months, lost 10% body fat and 10lbs and you think I should have done better? Really.
At first I was pissed, thinking he was just being an asshole. But he actually was really nice about it. He started talking to me about my goals and the reasons why he thought what he did. He offered me the opportunity to come train with him for a session and just check it out. To be honest, I was kind of excited to vary it up. I had been told this by several people and trainers at the gym, so at this point, I was starting to second guess that I was doing the right thing. Plus, his dieting option seemed much more attractive to where I was at...so I tried it. I met with him the following Saturday.
HE KICKED MY ASS.
I was sweating in places I had never sweat before. Like literally, on my ribs. Weird. The workout was totally different. It wasn't completely weightlifting based; it was more focused on using my body to my advantage to strengthen me. I was, again, shocked. Oh, and by the way...the trainer's name is Faruk. Haha, after reading this over...I realized I said "he" a lot!
Well, needless to say, I was between a rock and a hard place. I felt like I got the most amazing work out from him, and yet still had another trainer, meal plan, workout plan...and competition to think about. What was I to do? I also had to think about how unhappy and mentally unstable I was becoming. I was a bitch. I complained. Everyone cracked jokes about it at work. I was becoming anxious and obsessed with the scale. I have had huge issues with my weight fluctuating before, to the extreme points of unhealthy behavior, and I felt it was getting to this point again. I truly would feel guilty if I ate a rice cake or banana when it wasn't on my meal plan for the day. I was making myself physically sick and obsessing over it. I knew that if I continued down the path I was on, I would physically exhaust myself and develop an eating disorder.
Upon talking to Faruk more, he seemed genuinely interested in wanting to help me. I know, what your thinking...he's a trainer, at a gym, his job is to sell you. And to an extent, you are right. But Faruk took the time to explain his processes, nutrition plans, experiences, success stories and passion to want to help me. He started talking about getting my metabolism back on track; looking at a more healthy way to cut...and eat enjoyable foods. He sent me a text that next day (Sunday), asking me to take the leap of faith and let him take me to where I wanted to be. What do I do? I love Rob. I love him as a friend and for all the success that he was giving me. But I couldn't do it anymore.
I decided to, regardless of who was training me, I was not ready for the show in April. Wah, Wah...that sucks! I knew that my muscle definition, body fat and body was not what it needed to be to have me be confident in going on stage. That being said, I wanted to see what Faruk's diet was all about. He had been talking about the "If It Fits Your Macros (IIFYM)" lifestyle, and frankly I had seen all about it all over the bodybuilding and fitness EVERYTHING! It looked like so much more enjoyable, and flexible.
I took that step. I started using his methods, setting up my macros for my diet change and working out a plan/regiment that would kick my ass in the gym. Within the first week, I lost two pounds. I couldn't believe it. While I am still sitting a week later at that same weight (118.2), I am enjoying my progress again. Faruk and I are working to get to my goals as they come. He is committed to making sure that we do this as successfully and safely as possible. We are taking it one step at a time! First step, Six-Pack Brett Seeley Ab Transformation Challenge. March 15th starts a 90-day challenge for the best team of 4 Ab Transformation. This is something we are working on together...and from there deciding which show to do. I have two options as of right now: July 12 Tokyo Joe's and August 22nd The Warrior Classic. We have plenty of time, between 18-24 weeks, and my goal is to be the fittest one there. I want a booty girls are envious of, abs men would die for! But I have to make sure I am OK first.
I am still training with Rob once a week and he has been supportive and understanding in knowing I am not ready to do the Northern. He has gotten me from where I was- an unhappy, unconfident, sad lost girl to this amazing, confident, sassy, sexy woman. I know my worth and my value now. I can truly say I am proud of who I am and am not ashamed of anything about me anymore. I believe in myself.
P.S. Oh my gosh...I did my first posing class...HILARIOUS! I felt like the fat stripper. I never realized A). How painful it was going to be to pose-in stilettos-to make your muscles pop. Standing in awkward poses, for minutes on end, with fake ass smiles does not feel good at all! Plus, it showed me that I need to be confident as all get-out to make sure I can bust it out on stage. I don't want to second guess myself and have that show...
No comments:
Post a Comment