I am making progress...but I am still impatient.

Hey y'all!

Well, today marks the first day of my more intense diet and workout regimen. I made it though. But before we get too much into that, let's talk about the last week. Last week was Christmas. Traditionally it is all about parties, family gatherings and amazing food and drinks, right? Well this year was no different. While everyone was enjoying their Honeybaked Ham, Cinnamon Apples, Creamed Spinach and Turkey...I sat there and there and stuck to my diet. That's right folks, I prepped every single one of my meals for every single one of our outings. Christmas Eve Dinner at my parents I ate my salmon and broccoli. Christmas Dinner I ate my filet, green beans and red potato. I didn't have one sweet, side dish or salt-laden item. I felt like I was being punished. Although it was kind of amazing the restraint I had, I missed it. I marvel at how I never thought about what I ate before. And if I did, typically it was an afterthought. I think the hardest part of it all was Bagels on Christmas morning with Lox and Capers. That is our family tradition...and bagels are my most favorite thing ever! But I withheld...and ate eggs nonetheless! All I could hear was Rob in my head, "it is not on your diet, you should not eat it!" Man, I listen to him more than my parents.

I met with Robb the next day to go over my progress and review my new workout. I forgot to tell you guys that for the past two weeks I had been struggling because I gained 3 pounds. I finally had gotten down to 123.4 and I ruined it by having one of my Salted Caramel Pretzel Bars. The next morning, literally, I gained three pounds. While I realize that is unrealistic...and it was mostly water weight, I was devastated. On top of it, that's where I heard the, "Well it wasn't on your diet, you shouldn't have eaten it." FUCK. Seriously, everyday I jumped on the scale hoping it would disappear, along with a couple other pounds that I wanted gone. But nope, still there. So, back to my meeting with Robb. I weighed in with him and was back down to 123.4. While I did not lose anymore in those two weeks, I was glad to be back! I was right where I needed to be. We also did measurements.

I have lost a cumulative 6.75 inches, 4% body fat, and 6 pounds. HELL YEAH!

Robb said this was by far the best progress I had made (looking from the last time we measured last month to now). But now we have some work to do. From the sounds of it, he wants me to come on stage at about 115 and 10% body fat. Right now I am in a situation where I am 123 and 23% body fat. We have a long way to go! He has changed my workouts and my diet to reflect a heightened amount of protein and slightly less calories. Robb said I should be about 5 more pounds down by the end of January.  It was interesting to me...because I know that I have been successful so far, but I hadn't been noticing a ton of difference. Within the last week I did notice that my jeans were too loose, however I didn't really see anything in the mirror. I took the picture I took originally and took another of what I look like today. OH MMMM GEE!!! I was shocked. Putting them next to each other,  I saw the world of difference. That is insane. It is keeping me motivated, to say the least.

                    

I am a little nervous going into this next phase. The diet is not fun at all. While I am absolutely not complaining...it is intense. Today was day one, which was not too bad. I made the mistake of blending my oatmeal and protein powder...never again. DISGUSTING! However, tomorrow will be a doozy. I have 4 eggs and spinach for breakfast. Um, I was choking down the eggs with toast...barely...and now I have to eat them alone. Pray for me! On top of that, I have 20oz of Chicken between two snacks and lunch! WHAT?! Oh man, I am in for a treat. 

Just like the title said, I am still impatient though. I am learning that maybe this process was a lesson in patience God is putting me through. Both throughout this and my personal life, I have wanted to work on making everything perfect right now. And I clearly can't. I need to slow down; enjoy the moment now. I am learning, but it is really hard for me.  I am still trying to shove square pegs in round holes sometimes...and we all know what happens there. 

A couple accomplishments since we last conversed:

1. I am at the lowest weight I have ever been in my adult years

2. I have calves...HOLY SHIT! I always was in love with calves on women, and now I have some!

3. I jogged (at 5.0/12 minute mile) two miles without stopping on 12/29

4. From there, I walked a quarter-mile then ran the remaining 0.75 of the third mile!

Well, that is all for now. I should be getting my consistent 8 hours of sleep...to build muscle of course!

Talk to you soon. I got this.

LD

Apparently, my life is perfect...or so I hear.

Wow. I just got off the phone with a student who told me everything fell into place for me with college and worked out because my life was perfect. I was shocked. Yes, I hold myself together, but my life is far from perfect. I responded with a very simple thought. There are two ways you can look at things; you can continue to find and believe every excuse or negative thought about why you can't...or you can think harder about why it will and be worth it to achieve. I continued to tell him about how much I understood exactly the situation he is in. I understand that in every example he can see...school seems impossible. However, it is like that with anything. Easily, I can list ten reasons why I may not be successful at this fitness competition:

1. I love to eat food- good food at that.
2. And wine. LOVE WINE.
3.  I never have lifted extensively in my life
4. I am short and have a big booty and thighs (Thanks Mom! )
5. I don't think I can run more than a mile (I also didn't think I could run more than two minutes without stopping).
6. I have friends that are not supportive or try and pressure me to derail
7. I compare myself to such great aspirations and freak myself out thinking how to achieve their level
8. It's going to get too hard
9. It takes too much of my time
10. It's not always fun

Oh...and the best one...

11. I have seen other people fail before (including me!)

But you know what, OH FUCKING WELL. I can do this shit. I can. I know I can. At times it is going to suck. Yeah, I really want to eat those damn Salted Caramel Pretzel Bars I made yesterday. And yes, I miss my Starbucks and wine...but I am stronger than that. I can come up with more reasons than not about why I can't do it, but I am going to make them reasons why I can.

1. The food isn't that bad, you get immune. But yeah, still sucks, but then again "normal life" isn't always perfect either. There are still going to be things that suck, so why not get stronger and sexier and just deal with it!
2. I still miss wine, not going to lie. April 12th baby!
3. I have learned how to lift and my trainer is motivating and a great teacher (and he says with most things I have perfect form!). I also have some great friends that teach me more and more everyday. Take that shit!
4. I am still short, but hey...I have to wear heels anyway! Plus, there are typically less girls in that class anyway! Better odds! And I will just work my booty and thighs that much harder!
5. I haven't tried to run more than a mile...but we all know what happened when I tried to run more than two minutes :)
6. Those friends suck. Yes, you know who you are. You SUCK. I got this...
7. I will be on their level. Jessica Wood, I am coming for you!
8. If it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be worth it...and everybody would do it. It is hard but I am stronger!
9. Time is going to pass anyway, why not use it to make a difference. I'm almost half way done!
10. Yep, there are much funner things to do with my time, but again end result is the most rewarding

and

11. I control my ability to follow through...no one else's story dictates or compares to my outcome.

People only get a little glimpse of my life. It is far from perfect. There are things I would desperately want to change...or get very discouraged about because I am unhappy with at times. My close friends know I cry and am sad far more than I should be. But you know what, it makes me stronger. I overcome it. I put on a brave face and keep on, keeping on! FUCK YEAH.

I got this. 

LD

Sometimes you just have to let it go...

Sometimes you just have to let it go. No matter what it is, let it go. This is a lesson I have learned over and over this week. I can't let things get the best of me. Both in my personal, professional and fitness life, I have had some challenging situations present themselves this week.

First off, I was frustrated about not losing weight. I have been kicking my tail. Yes, there may be times that I am not pushing my hardest, or not fulling realizing my potential...but I am working hard. I can take all the steps I need to take, and that is it. So, that is what I did. I talked with Rob and asked for a new diet. While it wasn't what I wanted to do, it is what I needed to do. Stop stressing and just move forward. Of course, the next day I dropped again to 123.8 from 125. I guess I lose all my weight on Fridays. Happens every time...another way God likes to show me who is boss. On the plus side, I do not have to start that diet. Rob didn't really want me to change it, because it would only make cutting weight harder towards the end.

I have also learned that sometimes you just can't have what you want. There are two things that I really want in my life right now. Really bad. While both will remain nameless, one could come to be (although I would have to go out of my comfort zone for it)...and the other is pretty far out of sight, never to be realized. Being in sales, I feel I can change anything. I can fix anything...I can make it go my way. But apparently, life isn't like sales. You can't just always work things out to make it right. But I try and I try hard. I look into things that maybe I shouldn't...and I over-think and persuade myself into thinking it will work out. I need to stop. I need to focus on understanding reality.

While these things would be amazing (and my weight loss too)-and a blessing to every party involved...I need to have them fall into my life willingly. Have it be ready to happen. How do I do that? Seriously, it is something that I challenge myself to understand everyday. I need to worry less and trust more. Worrying is like praying for the wrong thing to happen. It is showing no belief of who and what you are; what you are capable of.  I have felt for so long that God has hated me and purposely tries to prevent good things from my life. Seriously. You have probably heard me say that-several times. There are times that I seriously still think that. While I still have faith, I continuously struggle with that. I am afraid. I panic. I don't want to miss out.

Ok, enough about that...just a little personal thought from my mind today.

That is all. But I am at 123.8 bitches!

LD

I feel a meltdown coming on...

It has been a while since my last post! Wow, I felt like it was coming out as "Father, it has been a while since my last confession..." Damn, I am not even Catholic! But it definitely has been a while since we last caught up! We have now made it over the Thanksgiving holiday and are prepping up for Christmas! Yay!! I love Christmas time for so many reasons. Between parties, time with family and presents...it is so much fun!

A lot of has happened since we last talked...let's review it now:

The week of Thanksgiving...

This week was my first week of high intensity training (HIT) with Robb. I didn't know what that meant exactly, but I knew I was going to hate my life. I was correct. I have never worked out that hard in my life. Not only did I start with cardio, but I continued on a circuit that would kill even Ironman. I did jump squats, mountain climbers, jump lunges, and I would tell you the rest...but I burned it out of my memory! It was horrible! I mean it was great...and Robb is great...but it was not fun!  On top of it, Rob said if I didn't start losing weight...I would have to do two of these trainings a week. Talk about stress on losing weight! Plus, an additional $75 a week wasn't really in my budget.

I had the opportunity to have a cheat day for Thanksgiving...and I didn't really do it! I for sure thought that I would want all that amazing food, but after a while I just decided to me it wasn't worth it. It is so weird how that happens. Every time I think about cheating or eating something that is not on my diet, I think about how hard I will have to work to get myself back on track. That being said, I did have some of my mom's UH-MAY-ZING cranberry pie. It is something I look forward to every year! So much so, I bought two bags of cranberries at the grocery store this week so I can have her make it in April! Yep, that is going to happen! Another thing that contributed to my focused Thanksgiving day meal plan was my crazy Black Thursday/Friday  shopping habits! I didn't have time to eat! I had to prep and stand in line! The rest of the weekend also stayed strict to the diet and continued my workouts.

On to the next week...

Last week was a hard week for me. I continue to stay strict on my diet and workouts and have not been seeing the scale go down. AT ALL. I seriously am frustrated. I also was scared I would have to do MORE of that damn high intensity training...and spend more money! I met with Rob on Thursday and he basically said I wasn't working hard enough. I felt like crap. I want to be awesome, and not let him down! Apparently I was supposed to have been running a mile instead of doing sprint intervals on my workouts. Oops. I could have sworn I was doing everything perfect. Ugh. I will let you in on a little secret, however. I hate to run. This was like a death sentence when he told me the plan to run. I have NEVER run a mile in my life. NEVER. So guess what, he made me run a mile...in front of him...and I paid him for it! Then sprints. Then dead lifts. That was my training session. Magically, I was at 125 the next morning from 126.6. Damn it...I knew as soon as I told Robb, he would be like "see, you worked harder, you lost weight!" And I was right! I texted Robb first thing and he said, "See! Keep that running up! Sprints!" I hate it when things fall into place like that! I secretly didn't want him to be right!

The rest of the week I killed it at the gym. I was supposed to change from sprint intervals to running a mile...and I decided to do them both! I felt invincible at the gym . I may have even looked a little pompous walking around the gym...haha. I must admit...after two months...I am excited by going to the gym. Hell has frozen over.

Rounding out the week, I had a my mom's best friends annual Christmas party. This was a HUGE test for me. The most amazing food of the year was there. Wine flows like water. Not only did I show up two hours late ( Because I did go to the gym before AND because I didn't want two more hours of temptation!), but I also refrained from eating the cookies and candy and appetizers I lust for every other year! Damn, I am good! I felt even better-like I had defeated the Devil!

Coming into this week...

The meltdown is coming. I felt so amazing and awesome after last week- losing a pound and killing it in the gym. I continued to do my mile on the treadmill, sprints and weights. I had ran five miles...that is CRAZY! I also added the night of Bootcamp Rob does for his clients on Tuesday nights (which is not fun!). But I slowly became discouraged when my weight started going up...damn it! I was at 125...then 125.8...then today I am 126.8. Seriously, what the hell! I talked to Robb once again this morning and he said not to be worried, we have plenty of time and he's not worried. That's great and all, and I will continue to work my ass off, but I am frustrated. I need to see the scale drop. I need to see it change. I am frustrated. I will meet with him tonight to change my diet (and probably my workout)...but Lord help me! Oh, and to make matters worse...tonight is high intensity training. FML.

I will try and post more frequently...

And PS...if you do want to do this (which I HIGHLY encourage)...Rob is your dude. He is wonderful at what he does...and even though he will try to kill you...he does care!


LD

One month down the hatch...four more to go!

I made it through my first month...holy crap! That is insane. Last year at this time I had totally given up. Like I said before, I was full of excuses! But this year, there isn't anything stopping me. I will get to my results from my check-in with Rob, but first I'll go over some of the hurdles experienced this week.

This week has been a total doozy. From crazy work shenanigans to being tempted by work parties...I was living a little hell. I will say, I almost had my first meltdown. Earlier in the week, I had some crazy drama unfold at work. While it was due to some unnecessary actions on my part, I felt jilted once again with the outcome of the situation. Again, I was frustrated and could have just given up like I have done before. Or at least given up on the evening-diet or gym or both. But I didn't. I continued on to the gym after the horrendous day...and it was worth every damn minute I counted down on that f-ing elliptical.

Then, on to looking like an ass...on the same night! I got to the gym-planning to do cardio. Rob had requested I do cardio all this week to prep for my weigh-ins on Friday. I did not want to store additional water in my muscles from lifting. However, when I got to the gym, most every cardio machine was taken. Rob hates the elliptical, and refuses to let me on it (which honestly, is my favorite form of cardio-probably because it is the easiest for me!). So, trying to obey his word, I head over to the treadmills. There are 5 open....I try the first one, doesn't turn on. Neither does the second. Or the third...and you guessed it, the fourth doesn't either.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME!

At this point, I said, "Fuck it, apparently I am not meant to get on the treadmill." I didn't head to the fifth one, because at this point I look like an idiot hopping from machine to machine...and headed straight for the elliptical. Inside I was rejoicing! But I seriously was looking like an idiot for about ten minutes, and not going to lie, it bruised my pride a bit! 

Rounding out the week, on Friday, we had an amazing day of fun at work. My boss is turning 40 and we decided to celebrate in style. We decorated his office and had great perks all day long. It started with Lamar Donuts, Juice and McDonalds. Sweet...I love that shit! Um, yeah, think again, Lauren. From there, we went and saw the premiere of  The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. We had won a challenge several months ago and that was our prize...and what a better day to celebrate! Well, it was an amazing movie, however, again I could not partake in the popcorn, soda and ICEE's that were floating around the theater. At this point, I was still holding strong. I sat with my Nalgene bottle and drank my water contently.

Then came lunch. In honor of my boss' birthday, we had a nacho bar. You name it...it was on there. Two different kinds of queso, green chili, shredded chicken, ground beef, guacamole, sour cream...it was pure torture. I sat there and watched EVERYONE devour it. I was crying on the inside...a tear almost came out. I became more and more bitter and contemplated just have a little bit. But I didn't. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop. I didn't even eat the red velvet cake...I stayed strong. I went back to my desk (cursing all the way there, mind you) and ate my chicken and avocado.

But it all paid off! I met with Rob on Friday afternoon and did my measurements. I have lost 3 pounds (currently at 126), 4 inches and 2% body fat. Hell yeah! Seriously, I am so proud of myself. I don't really feel a difference yet, but I know it is coming. Tomorrow starts the real training. Rob said this last month was just for consistency and learning. I am now on a no-dairy diet and am working out 7 days a week. 4 days lifting, 2 days cardio and one HIT with Rob. I have been doing the lifting since Saturday...and I love it!

I won't lie, I cheated a little bit this weekend...knowing that I am full steam ahead from this point on. It is beast mode time from now until April 12. Rob wants me to come in at about 110-115 very lean and cut. We have a lot of work to do. That means it is go time...no Starbucks. No dairy. No salt. Nothing. I can make it happen, but it is going to be hard. I got this.


LD

Being patient and positive IS difficult

Hey guys!

Wow, I thought I would write so much more often but I feel like there aren't a lot of updates. This is my last week of this diet and workout routine. As Robb says, I am working on my lifting form and consistency. That's great and all, but it gets frustrating not seeing anything on the scale change. I mean, come on! I feel like after a month of eating clean (really like a freaking bird!) and working out more than I have EVER...I would like to see some progress. It is hard to be patient and positive. Another Robb-ism given to me today was, "Being hard on yourself is just like being negative-so stop!"

I am nervous to do my measurements on Thursday. I think I am nervous because I am not sure if I have lost any inches. I better have! Haha. It has been hard seeing the transformations Robb has gone through with his girls...and noticing that I am bigger than they were to start. I went to the Rocky this weekend (the biggest fitness show in Colorado) and it was absolutely inspiring, but again worried me that I  would be able to get down to that body in 6 months. While I know I am capable of anything I put my mind to, man I don't want to have to go more than six months to make this happen.

There is always another show. 

 I mentioned my concern to Robb and my friend Jess...and that was their response. Those five words made me work out harder last night. Make me have more strides per minute than before. I do not want to wait more than six months to accomplish this. I want to be able to reach my goal the first time.

I have two more days of cardio (tonight and Wednesday) before measurements. I am doing my best to kill it and make things happen. On the plus side, I got hit on at the gym for the first time ever Sunday. It was the weirdest feeling ever. Almost creepy. The dude followed me around the gym for an hour- doing similar machines and weights. After about an hour, he started waving at me and smiling...to which I politely smiled and continued with my workout. Rude? Hell no, I am there to workout! Haha. But I did look pretty awesome that day...Exhibit A:

The totally cliche and douchy mirror pic!

Last, but certainly not least, I have learned discipline-especially today. I have learned to not let outside factors dictate my success or attitude. Within the last couple weeks, there have been many hurdles and challenges that I have faced that were extremely frustrating. The old me would have just given in or given up...and let those situations take the best of me. Regardless if it was temptation or difficult situations or poor attitudes, often times I would wallow in them and give up on what I had going for myself. Most recently...

                                   

                                   

This morning my battery was dead in my brand new car. Seriously, extremely annoying. While I could have played the damsel in distress and made excuses of how this would affect my workout or prevent it, I didn't. I took my damn workout bag out of my car, loaded into my loaner...and moved forward with my day. I will be there tonight. Doing my best to get me there.

 I got this. 

LD

Fuel

It is so interesting how different emotions can target or attack certain aspects of your being. Even crazier is how they affect people differently. When people are sad, some binge, some starve and some remain the same. The same goes for stress.

Anger and frustration can also take a toll on your body. Coming home from a horrible day at work, I found myself having two different emotions running through me. It was weird.  I wanted to run as fast as I could and beat the shit out of my training today. I felt like I could conquer anything. But at the same time, my anger and the day was so upsetting, I just wanted to give up. I tend to get in pessimistic moods when multiple things don't go my way. I feel like the world is against me.

 Knowing that I couldn't let the day get the best of me, I went to the gym. I had a wonderful workout, and burned more calories in my cardio than I have done lately. I hit my strides harder, I rocked out to my music a little bit more. I made it happen. Let your emotion be the fuel for your release. Give yourself time to detox everything that is going on -reflect on the good and release the bad. While I was still frustrated after my workout, I let it out. I released the stress.

It also really helped that I had an amazing time with my friend Jade tonight. It is important to surround yourself with people that raise you up. We laughed and joked about my frustration...and had a little retail therapy. These emotions are definitely necessary to balance out the negativity that overcomes you. Surround yourself with good people.

Before I started my workout today, I got a chance to talk to a girl in the locker room who just finished her workout. She was looking in the mirror, examining her defined stomach muscles. I couldn't help but think she was a little too tan...not going to lie...so, I asked her if she was doing a show. While she didn't look to be ready in my eyes, she looked really great. The girl explained she was doing the Rocky this weekend and had lost 85 pounds throughout her training. She was doing it on her own-no help from anyone. What drive and inspiration! I wish I could be as strong as her. WOW, kill it girl.

Tomorrow is another learning day with Rob and I can't wait! I tend to get nervous right before...but immediately am so excited as soon as I leave. Additionally, I am excited to report that I had the accomplishment yesterday to get the farthest I have run without stopping. I don't know what helped me, whether it was the rhythm of the song playing on repeat or my praying...but I ran a half-mile before stopping once. While that doesn't sound like an achievement...I previously couldn't go two minutes without stopping. I suck at running. And breathing. Yep, you heard it here first, folks. I made it six minutes and twenty-nine seconds. I think I am ready for a marathon now! Haha, yeah right.

But I am getting stronger.


LD

Perfect..

Gavin DeGraw

Everything Will Change

Take those boots off the shelf
Wipe that dust of yourself
Even if you've been through hell; you're back
It's time to separate the men from the boys
And the women from the girls
And the tools from the toys
Even if you're freaking out: just relax

Hey, before it gets too late
Before the night is over, before the world's awake
Everything will change
Hey, I feel it coming on
Starting like a fire, tonight you lit the flame
Now everything will change

Back when it used to hurt
Took you a little while just to find the words
Losing, well, it sometimes burns, but you keep moving on
You've got to grow strong like you're leading the nation
Got to make the best out of this situation
Get your hands up like it's a celebration
And you keep moving on

Singing hey, before it gets too late

Before the night is over, before the world's awake
Everything will change
Hey, I feel it coming on
Starting like a fire, tonight you lit the flame
Now everything will change

(Ooooh)
Now everything will change
(Ooooooh)
Everything will change
(You can talk the talk-talk, but you can't walk the walk-walk)

Take those boots off the shelf
Wipe that dust of yourself
Even if you've been through hell; you're back

Hey, before it gets too late
Before the night is over, before the world's awake
Everything will change
Hey, I feel it coming on
Starting like a fire, tonight you lit the flame
Now everything will change

It'll change
(You can talk the talk-talk, but you can't walk the walk-walk)
If you don't try
(You can talk the talk-talk, but you can't walk the walk-walk)
It'll change
(You can talk the talk-talk, but you can't walk the walk-walk)

151 days til beast mode...

Doesn't seem that long huh? But to think six months out...that perspective changes quite a bit. 151 days of dieting, cardio, weights and shenanigans. Dang...well, at least we are almost to 150 days in about 10 minutes. Here I am, 11:53 PM, wide awake writing this because I had the brilliant idea to drink coffee at 9 PM. I took my best friends kids to Starbucks to mourn the loss of their hamster...and I am now mourning the loss of my sleep!

On a positive note, we are now down another week. I keep telling everyone I feel stronger and am learning so much more about my body and muscles. I can't thank Rob enough for how much help he is to me. I still think he has a heart attack every time we train...and is freaking out about how much time we have to get me where I need to be. I am down two pounds, to 127.2, however I think I primarily have just lost my water weight. Rob says that I am focusing right now on getting all my exercises in perfect form and transitioning from fat to muscle. I will tell you though, it can be frustrating eating all this crazy stuff and not seeing results on the scale. I just keep telling myself, it will come. And December, it is supposed to get cray cray crazy. On the plus side, Rob told me I can eat Thanksgiving Dinner as long as I don't gorge! You bet your sweet ass I will be taking advantage of that cheat day.

Well, I figured out how to eat my eggs. I added some mushrooms and onions to the mix and scrambled them with the bacon this time. Mission accomplished. New problem...I have to start running. I may hate running more than I hate eggs. Every once and a while, out of pure inspiration or anger, I will be able to sprint for longer than a couple minutes. Most of the time, I want to die after a minute on the treadmill. Rob trash talked me in our last session and I did run A LITTLE...but  that was nothing compared to the came the bombshell that followed. NO MORE ELLIPTICAL. Wait, what?! Seriously...cardio sucks as it is...and you want to take my only quasi-enjoyable form?! I am petrified. I tried over the weekend to ween myself off the elliptical and it was miserable. Again, pray for me.

I am planning on going to Runner's Roost to see a specialist about how I can get into the swing of things. I think right now my muscles aren't conditioned too well for running...and my calves are extremely miserable about 2 minutes in. Hopefully they can be my saving grace so it isn't miserable for the next... 150 days, 23 hours and 54 minutes.

On a personal note, I am getting my confidence back and am HAPPY. Yep, four months later and I am starting to be stronger than I was before. There are a lot of promising things going on in my life...and I am so excited for the future. I had an amazing weekend spending time with my family and one of my most favorite people ever. Football Sunday was a little tempting at the bar, but I came out of it unscathed. No beer, no nachos...water for this girl! Making progress.

The coffee still hasn't worn off, but I am pretty sure I will curse myself in the morning if I don't try and get some sleep. Thank you all for reading...and your tremendous support.

Stay tuned, it's getting good :)

LD

Made it through the first week...

Hey All!

Yep. That's right. Made it through the first week, bitches! While it is a small feat, I will take that accomplishment. The week seemed to go by pretty smoothly. While I was sore pretty much the ENTIRE time, it is starting to be something I crave. Well, I crave the weightlifting. I still despise cardio.

Ohhh...training with Rob on Friday was insane. I have never done a dead lift in my life. NEVER. Let alone what seemed like a million of them. You name it, we did it. Kettle Ball dead lifts. Dumbbell dead lifts. The list goes on and on. On the plus side, I realized that I am getting stronger. I also realized that I can be sore in more areas than I can count! This time, however, my back and hamstrings were the areas I wanted to die over. Wow. This time, the soreness lasted four days. My squats and lunges only lasted three.


A lot has happened since we last had our little chat! Most importantly, was I ate those damn eggs. They were still gross. I had the brilliant idea to add salsa to them, which was a great addition, however, I should have warmed it up. The salsa made the eggs cold and more difficult to choke down. I managed to get through about 2 scrambled eggs before I started gagging. While they weren't as bad as I had thought, I would never choose them off of any menu. And to let you in on a little secret, I only plugged my nose for the first three or four bites! Haha, how awesome am I?!  My mom tried to take a picture, but I refused. Here was my breakfast, and no, I do not want to hear how delicious it looks. It wasn't. Plain and simple.

I also had another pretty new moment for me...I bared my stomach in a costume for Halloween! Who am I and where did the old Lauren go? In true Lauren fashion, I decided that I didn't want to wear my Mario costume to the costume party. Between the tutu being SUPER large...and just being asked if I was Tinkerbell, I couldn't take it! So, what did I do? Changed it up last minute...literally at 4pm the night of the party. I did the best with what I had...and came up with an Indian. But, it would entail baring my midriff. While I was super self-conscious...I knew I was working towards a better body and thought I would start gaining that confidence back! So....here it is!

There have been, however, many temptations along the way. My best friend's baby shower was on Saturday...dang, I wish I could eat all the good food they had there! Plus, she gave me an entire case of wine for helping her. Are you freaking kidding me?! I LOVE WINE. It was a great time, I brought my food with me and looked like a hobbit eating my apple in the corner...but I made it happen! I also have come into several other temptations...let' me give you a taste of these:

But instead, this is the story of my life...

After this week, I am seriously sore. Last night my best friend/bitch friend Kelli (you know I love you soooo much), laughed at me as I tried my hardest to get off the couch without screaming in pain. She literally about lost it. While it was funny, and I know I looked retarded, I was doing anything I could to move without dying.  It took me five minutes to get from the couch to this position...

 I have learned a lot about me and who I am since I started this challenge. I am gaining back my confidence. Not just the confidence I lost in myself, but also the confidence I had in life. There are still some rough times where my faith and confidence is being tested, but it has to only make me stronger. The past couple of months have been extremely heartbreaking, and to be finally coming out of that has been a journey. I have a lot of support going through this-friends, family and co-workers. It has been truly remarkable hearing how many people are behind me and excited to hear my progress. Thank you. And a big thank you to Whitney...thank you for keeping me motivated and encouraging me at the gym on our lift days! I appreciate you...and our complaining and vacation plans!

Until next time...

LD

The S#!* that Lauren says...

It's been a couple days since I last checked in. I have now accomplished almost a full week of this fitness transformation. It has been a crazy week! I have had the blessing of my great workout partner, Whitney, to join me along the way. Here is a breakdown of the past couple days:

Sunday- since I last wrote on Sunday, I was lazy and thought it would be a great idea to prep meals as I go versus all at once. BAD IDEA. Every day has been a struggle to get everything prepped and ate on time (oddly enough). I blame it on being too sore, but preparing meals is definitely the way to go.

Monday-This was my first day doing my conditioning workout without Robert. Let's face it, I was a sally. I introduced the regiment to Whit and we did it together. While I don't feel like I got that great of a workout compared to with Robert. Whitney corrected me on my squats, when in reality, I just couldn't get low because it hurt! Don't worry, she felt it on Wednesday...

Tuesday- Oh, man...this day was a doozy! I had an emergency that got my nerves all worked up, which affected my workout. I did about 35 minutes on the elliptical and felt like I was about to pass out or puke. I tried to walk it out-literally- on the treadmill, but it didn't work! Wah Wah...I was pissed! On the funny side, I am not supposed to eat apples with skin on them, so instead I chose to act like a child and bite out of the center of each slice around the skin...it was hilarious.

Wednesday- I got my Beats by Dre! I am so excited to use them today for Cardio! The nasty taste of chicken is still messing with me...so I am mixing all my food together. If you saw it, you'd be disgusted! Haha, it's great. But, whatever works, right? I met again with Whit to do conditioning again. It was much better! I am a little sore today...but, it feels awesome. I spent the remainder of the night cooking my Steak (I cheated and put a LITTLE salt on it...I mean, come on!) and running around for my last minute costume items. It all paid off!

 

So that brings us up until today! Today is Halloween! I am so excited to celebrate with my co-workers, but I have a date with the gym tonight. I am going to knock out my cardio and hopefully have some time to spend with my friends and family tonight. Can't wait to give you updates...and maybe we will get more pics later this week. Until then, here are a few things you've probably heard come from my mouth the past couple days:

• But the chicken is so chicken-y 
• Who knew that a cup full of almonds was so much! I am almond' out!
• Those donuts look really good!
• That almond tasted like ant poison...not like I know what that tastes like, but you know what I mean!
• I'm still not looking forward to eggs
• What the hell do you put on steak if you don't have salt?!
• Is that a milkshake you're drinking Lauren? Heck yea, a Muscle Milk Milkshake...same thing...not really.
• You can't have any of my nuts, they're portioned out
• We deserve a trip to Hawaii after this competition
• I am just living the dream
• This isn't that good, I promise you that. 

Let's face it...I can't move.

HOLY. SHIT.

When Robert said I would be feeling it on the 3rd day, he was completely nonchalant. This is no joke. I feel like I want to die. I'm sure the people that saw me today thought I seriously have something wrong with me-I was so stiff and awkward walking around! Just a snapshot of some of the questions I got asked today:

• Are you alright?
• Oh no, is that a limp? What happened to you?
• You got that okay? Are you sure?

 Additionally, the stares and chuckles I got from my family were hilarious. Although I may have joints in my legs, they are not functional at all! It took me about five minutes to move in any direction. Getting up from sitting; sitting down. Getting in the car; getting out of the car. You name it, I can't do it today. Haha, I am a mess. But other than that, I am all set!

Today was my day of rest and day to shop for the week and prep. I had a nice relaxing day with my family. I spent most of the day watching football and sleeping...what a rough life! My parents decided to go shopping with me this evening and that was interesting to say the least. It seemed like every aisle we went down, my dad found something ridiculous and asked if it was on my diet. First it was Shrimp Chips (has anyone tried them? They look disgusting...not to mention sounds heinous!), then Chocolate Wafer Cookies...the list went on and on. He's such a great dad, trying to make me smile and make this fun for all of us. After about what seemed like three hours, we finally headed to the check out. While I did get about my weight equivalent in protein during this trip, that was pretty much the bulk of it. Some veggies, fruits and nuts rounded out the rest. I have not, however, purchased the dreaded eggs for my lovely Halloween breakfast of champions! I asked Robert, and wah-wah, have to muscle them down. Again, please pray for me! Looks like I will be making another trip to the grocery store at some point during this week.

And here's the damage...not too bad, but definitely a big commitment. These competitions are a huge financial investment. Just to give you an example...here is an example of just some expected estimated expenses:

• Membership to participate: $150-$250
• Entry Fees: $50-150 per class (traditionally participate in 2 classes)
• Weekly Trainer $75/hour for meal plan, supplements and exercise plan
• Weekly grocery bill $100-$200
• Posing Coach $25/hr (six weeks prior to show)
• Competition shoes $50-$100
• Competition suit $300-$500
• Tanning $250

While both of my trainers have mentioned how costly this competition is, it still is crazy to see everything add up so quickly! However, that is probably what I used to spend on lunch weekly. So, now I have a weeks worth of food.

This week should be pretty interesting. With being so sore, I am a little nervous to hit it back at the gym tomorrow. I have another day of the conditioning workout out, which includes squats and lunges...of which neither I can do right now! On the plus side, my Beats by Dre come this week AND Halloween is here. I have just about finished my "Mario" costume...

 Sounds like there will be quite the festivities this weekend. Between work contests, trick-or-treating with my little love bugs,  a record label party and random shenanigans...I can't wait! One thing I am not worried about...drinking alcohol! That is one vice that I can put off for the next six months...

Until next time.

LD

129...Going Down!

Welp, I made it through my first two days. While that is definitely not an accomplishment in itself, there is much to be said for actually getting through that damn workout with Robert. Holy sore, Batman! Going in to my first session, I was excited and motivated. I thought I was invincible, or maybe tough...but that all was humbled after our initial training. We focused on entire body conditioning, which means everything from Tri's and Bi's to Legs and Glutes. I will be working through this conditioning for the next few weeks and then we will change it up. He has me on a carb flux diet, which will get focus on keeping my metabolism active and burning more calories with the varied carbohydrates  flux throughout the week. The diet seems definitely doable, however I hate eggs. Day six, there are eggs. Four of them. Pray for me!

All in all, I am still ready to do this! I am excited and determined to prove people wrong...but most of all, I am looking forward to the changes that I can make within myself. Here is pic numero uno...a little lack luster on the background scenery, I am working on buying a new mirror...this $5 Wal-Mart baby mirror will have to do for now!

Current stats are 129lbs and 27% body fat. 

Tomorrow will be the first shopping run for the first week of the diet. I will be cooking all day and watching the Bronco's kick some tail...and I can't wait! However, I don't think the cooking will be as much fun as it normally is baking :)

That is enough for now...

-LD

Making Moves...

Wow. I am 28 years old and just now trying to find myself. Plain and simple-well, at least I thought. I have been through some absolutely amazing and tragically difficult times over the past year of my life. I need to find out who I am…and be happy with myself. This is my challenge. Everyone who knows me (or claims to know me) is marveling in the fact that they thought I had my shit together and had the "perfect" life. I have a great job, a wonderful family and group of friends and material possessions that people are envious of (which apparently makes my life, perfect?)–however, I am not happy. I have lived for other people for so long…trying to give and get affirmation to truly feel my worth. I am tired of being the person that helps everyone else out. I need to help myself out. 

Sooo (insert Ryan's crazy Michigan accent)... in an effort to change that, I am challenging myself. I decided that I need to be truly confident and love who I am. So the sick idea I came up with to best accomplish that was...a fitness competition. SHIT. I know, way to swing for the fences, Lauren. Anyone who knows me knows I HATE to go to the gym. Actually, I retract that statement. I hate to do cardio. While I have done it, and bitched along the way, I understand that it does help. I get good at becoming a regular at the gym, however, one slip up turns into a landslide of laziness. I started last year towards the same goal..and I used every excuse in the book of why I didn't make it:

• My trainer moved (who was amazing...and totally not her fault for the move)
• I was in a new relationship with a man I absolutely adored, and frankly wanted to spend all my time with him
• There were too many distractions..Bronco Games, Vacations
• Naysayers...way, to be positive...you jerks! (However, you were right...I couldn't do it). 
• I hated cardio!
• The diet sucks. Like, really sucks. 

And you ask, what is going to be different this time?! Well, I am doing this for me. I need to get me right. I have committed to myself these next six months are all about me. All of my effort is in this. My trainer is amazing, not planning on moving, and will kick my ass. When going through my breakup this summer, I found a quote Demi Lovato said in Cosmopolitan magazine that inspired me and gave me strength in sitting in my emotion. It is no different here. There are going to be times that I want to quit or cheat or act out. I have to sit in the pain, the struggle, the frustration in order to achieve my goal. I am a BADASS, and I can do this.

 While there will be distractions and naysayers along the way, I have decided quitting isn't an option. I have even started to challenge those naysayers; my boss suggested work starts a pool around how long I will last! However, I may be a hot mess. In fact, I will guarantee I will be a hot mess sometimes, if not most of the time. There may or may not be public tantrums in my future. I may show my hangry (hungry + angry) attitude more often than not. But I have a great set of people supporting me who will aid in my perseverance. THANK YOU for your continued support and belief in my abilities.That AND I have told more people than not about me doing this...I refuse to be a quitter. 

I will try and post pictures as often as I possibly can. Everyday may be a stretch...but I am working on it! 

I have my first training session tonight with Robert, and you bet you'll hear about it. 

P.S. I gave myself a "push" gift...a brand new pair of Beats by Dre head phones. I think I am going to need a ton of "along the journey" incentives...good thing Under Armour is sold just about everywhere. 

-LD