Awareness in the fitness industry

So one of the biggest things that is never acknowledged, or even discussed in depth within the fitness and bodybuilding industry, is the truth about the "off season" and the process to realize your fitness goals. There are so many fitness models and IFBB pro's out there that are constantly maintaining and advertising how amazing their bodies are year-round. However, for most it is not realistic.

 Is this talked about?

 HELL NO. 

Many people get into fitness and focus on a certain goal that is can be difficult to maintain for an extended period of time. Whether it is to compete, focus on building a strong body, better physique or any other reason...the goals range across the scope. I have fallen victim to this. I had trained for so long, took sodium out of my diet, killed myself with cardio and isolated myself from my life and friends...for what? To gain back all the weight (and then some) once I resumed LIVING. Now this sounds harsh...and it is, to an extent. The bullshit the "fitfam" feed you about maintaining and staying fit and trim and six-pack blessed is not realistic; at least not for most. When this is your JOB, your source of income and your LIVELIHOOD, maybe. But for the rest of us, this conversation and topic is not spoken and discussed enough.

Often times, after competing or achieving your goal , you will have that uncontrollable, amazing "nothing tastes as good as fit feels" moment. However, if you're not perfect, it will all come crashing down. After you have gone through this dramatic change with your body, any change or gain that you do make is extremely challenging and you often times develop Dismorphia. For those of you who are unfamiliar, dismorphia is an unrealistic viewpoint on your body; basically you are so focused on your goal that when you start to change/gain/maintain, you are unsatisfied, depressed, etc. This can in turn spiral into serious conditions, even eating disorders. Even worse,  sometimes while on your way to your goal, you will start to see yourself in an unrealistic view and criticize the progress you have made. You think you aren't fit enough, lean enough, muscular enough and so on and so forth.

This happened to me, in both scenarios. I thought I was so fat and disgusting when I was going through my prep with Robb. Going through my posts the other day, I called myself a fat stripper. Ummmmm, I was 120 pounds and 18% BF. Wait, what?! I would constantly criticize my "fat" on my stomach...which again, was non-existent. I got burnt out, I couldn't handle it anymore...and then I started to fall off. I adopted a "different" way of eating. I embraced sodium and other foods back in my diet and started IIFYM. I put on a couple pounds...I freaked out. Started criticizing that I had lost my gains...after 2 pounds. I was SICK...and delusional over this stupid fitness crap. I let it beat me.

I started resuming life. I had a couple drinks, went out with friends and made memories with my life. I had balance. And consequently, I gained weight. While part of it was because of my goals to become better, which included eating more to build mass, that wasn't all.

I got lazy.

I got complacent.

I wasn't seeing gains. 

And it continues to beat me...but now I am fighting back. The fitness industry is often very one sided. The glamorous side where everyone is beautiful, and while "the struggle is real," we never know what the "real struggle" is that everyone is talking about. Is it that they are truly happy with their lives? Or that they are spending ungodly amount of time in the gym and away from "life"? Or that they are bound to 1400 calories a day?

In an effort to get stronger and build the physique I want, I know I will have to bulk and build muscle. That means eat in a caloric surplus. In the 15 pounds I have gained since my prep low, I have seen changes in my body and muscle structure. I have seen my arms grow. I have also seen my abs get fluffier and my clothes start to get tight. IT is hard. While I know I have full control to create the body that I want, it is challenging to defend your "fitness" when you're bigger. Most people not familiar with fitness, let alone bodybuilding, don't understand the off-season, working for gains or fuel for growth. So when I am putting on weight, and I am not the size 3 that I was before, I get self-conscious. I feel people judge me in the fact that I gained it all back. That I couldn't make it work. And while I know my goals, they don't seem to understand.

THAT SUCKS.

Currently I am really self-conscious with where I am at now. I know I need to build muscle. I know how it works. But when I want to get in a bikini in the middle of summer and am not rocking the six pack anymore...I feel like shit. This is NOT for the weak of heart. There are struggles I deal with daily. From pulling at my clothes to disgust in the mirror, THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. Sometimes I just want to eat everything in sight because, "Well, I am gaining anyway...why not eat what I want?" It takes time. I must be patient. There is unrealistic view on how long and hard it is to build a body overnight. If people grow overnight, people think it's steroids. If people don't grow overnight, you're not working hard enough. It is a catch 22. But in seeing the stories of all my idols: Michelle Davis Bishop, Ashley Horner Cline and Chady Dunmore...they didn't see it overnight. They had struggles, they were overweight, they struggled. And they built, and continue to build.

Please know that this is the most amazing thing that has happened to me. EVER. I have met so many amazing people (UH-MAY-ZING), gained confidence I would never have and become who I want to be. However, advice to others looking at stepping into this lifestyle-

BE CAREFUL.

Focus on YOU and who YOU want to be. 

Who YOU see in the mirror. 

What YOU think of yourself. 

This journey is yours. It may take minutes, it may take millenniums. Every person is different and the story is built uniquely for you. Don't let someone else dim your sparkle because YOU think they're quicker or smarter or more advanced. They're struggling too. You may just not know with what...

Again, the struggle is real...but what is the struggle?

Love you all.

Make your dreams your reality.

LD

Follow me and my journey on IG: ms.lauren.elise

New Epiphany this morning...

I have changed. 

A LOT.

I noticed this morning just how much I have changed as I stepped off the scale this morning. This morning I got on the scale and was 134.8 pounds. A far cry from my 120 at my prep low back in March. Holy SHIT, I gained 15 pounds. When I started training with Robb I was 129. I gained more back then when I started. I know that I have been gaining weight consistently since cutting for my bikini show and started training with Lucas. Most recently I have been more relaxed on my diet and living life (which, I understand, can also be done without gaining weight).

And when I say change, I mean in a good way. YES, I am not where I want to be. I know that these 15 pounds are bothering me. I can feel them in my clothes, confidence and everyday workouts. HOWEVER, the old me...before I started this journey...would have had a terrrrrrible day after getting off the scale. I would feel the extra weight in my clothes all day, and know that I was defined by how I looked and felt.

That isn't me anymore. 

I know that I can live this lifestyle and be fit. It has been my choice to become more relaxed in my fitness and diet...and there are consequences of that. Whereas before I would cry and punish myself for letting myself get this way, I know now I will be able to accomplish ANY fitness goal I put in front of me. 

Am I happy with where I am at with my weight? NO. Have I had a great couple of months? Absolutely. My life has been absolutely amazing since I made this decision to change. I have had the opportunity to find myself and make myself proud. I went from someone who had no confidence, to someone that knows she is worth it. I am more focused on seeing my value rather than finding my value in what others think of me. Do I still have struggles? Of course. I am not perfect. There are days I am sad, depressed, overwhelmed, and feel I am up against a wall. But the great thing is, those are only days. It isn't my life. I know I can do this. I just have to put my mind to it.

So...today marks day 1 (well day 3) of getting back to my goals. I have set my macros up and am ready to kill it and be the best version of me. Will it be hard?

FUCK YEAH. 

IT'LL BE REAL HARD.

But I have done it before and I can do it again. 

I'm out.

<drops the mic>

LD