I am making progress...but I am still impatient.

Hey y'all!

Well, today marks the first day of my more intense diet and workout regimen. I made it though. But before we get too much into that, let's talk about the last week. Last week was Christmas. Traditionally it is all about parties, family gatherings and amazing food and drinks, right? Well this year was no different. While everyone was enjoying their Honeybaked Ham, Cinnamon Apples, Creamed Spinach and Turkey...I sat there and there and stuck to my diet. That's right folks, I prepped every single one of my meals for every single one of our outings. Christmas Eve Dinner at my parents I ate my salmon and broccoli. Christmas Dinner I ate my filet, green beans and red potato. I didn't have one sweet, side dish or salt-laden item. I felt like I was being punished. Although it was kind of amazing the restraint I had, I missed it. I marvel at how I never thought about what I ate before. And if I did, typically it was an afterthought. I think the hardest part of it all was Bagels on Christmas morning with Lox and Capers. That is our family tradition...and bagels are my most favorite thing ever! But I withheld...and ate eggs nonetheless! All I could hear was Rob in my head, "it is not on your diet, you should not eat it!" Man, I listen to him more than my parents.

I met with Robb the next day to go over my progress and review my new workout. I forgot to tell you guys that for the past two weeks I had been struggling because I gained 3 pounds. I finally had gotten down to 123.4 and I ruined it by having one of my Salted Caramel Pretzel Bars. The next morning, literally, I gained three pounds. While I realize that is unrealistic...and it was mostly water weight, I was devastated. On top of it, that's where I heard the, "Well it wasn't on your diet, you shouldn't have eaten it." FUCK. Seriously, everyday I jumped on the scale hoping it would disappear, along with a couple other pounds that I wanted gone. But nope, still there. So, back to my meeting with Robb. I weighed in with him and was back down to 123.4. While I did not lose anymore in those two weeks, I was glad to be back! I was right where I needed to be. We also did measurements.

I have lost a cumulative 6.75 inches, 4% body fat, and 6 pounds. HELL YEAH!

Robb said this was by far the best progress I had made (looking from the last time we measured last month to now). But now we have some work to do. From the sounds of it, he wants me to come on stage at about 115 and 10% body fat. Right now I am in a situation where I am 123 and 23% body fat. We have a long way to go! He has changed my workouts and my diet to reflect a heightened amount of protein and slightly less calories. Robb said I should be about 5 more pounds down by the end of January.  It was interesting to me...because I know that I have been successful so far, but I hadn't been noticing a ton of difference. Within the last week I did notice that my jeans were too loose, however I didn't really see anything in the mirror. I took the picture I took originally and took another of what I look like today. OH MMMM GEE!!! I was shocked. Putting them next to each other,  I saw the world of difference. That is insane. It is keeping me motivated, to say the least.

                    

I am a little nervous going into this next phase. The diet is not fun at all. While I am absolutely not complaining...it is intense. Today was day one, which was not too bad. I made the mistake of blending my oatmeal and protein powder...never again. DISGUSTING! However, tomorrow will be a doozy. I have 4 eggs and spinach for breakfast. Um, I was choking down the eggs with toast...barely...and now I have to eat them alone. Pray for me! On top of that, I have 20oz of Chicken between two snacks and lunch! WHAT?! Oh man, I am in for a treat. 

Just like the title said, I am still impatient though. I am learning that maybe this process was a lesson in patience God is putting me through. Both throughout this and my personal life, I have wanted to work on making everything perfect right now. And I clearly can't. I need to slow down; enjoy the moment now. I am learning, but it is really hard for me.  I am still trying to shove square pegs in round holes sometimes...and we all know what happens there. 

A couple accomplishments since we last conversed:

1. I am at the lowest weight I have ever been in my adult years

2. I have calves...HOLY SHIT! I always was in love with calves on women, and now I have some!

3. I jogged (at 5.0/12 minute mile) two miles without stopping on 12/29

4. From there, I walked a quarter-mile then ran the remaining 0.75 of the third mile!

Well, that is all for now. I should be getting my consistent 8 hours of sleep...to build muscle of course!

Talk to you soon. I got this.

LD

Apparently, my life is perfect...or so I hear.

Wow. I just got off the phone with a student who told me everything fell into place for me with college and worked out because my life was perfect. I was shocked. Yes, I hold myself together, but my life is far from perfect. I responded with a very simple thought. There are two ways you can look at things; you can continue to find and believe every excuse or negative thought about why you can't...or you can think harder about why it will and be worth it to achieve. I continued to tell him about how much I understood exactly the situation he is in. I understand that in every example he can see...school seems impossible. However, it is like that with anything. Easily, I can list ten reasons why I may not be successful at this fitness competition:

1. I love to eat food- good food at that.
2. And wine. LOVE WINE.
3.  I never have lifted extensively in my life
4. I am short and have a big booty and thighs (Thanks Mom! )
5. I don't think I can run more than a mile (I also didn't think I could run more than two minutes without stopping).
6. I have friends that are not supportive or try and pressure me to derail
7. I compare myself to such great aspirations and freak myself out thinking how to achieve their level
8. It's going to get too hard
9. It takes too much of my time
10. It's not always fun

Oh...and the best one...

11. I have seen other people fail before (including me!)

But you know what, OH FUCKING WELL. I can do this shit. I can. I know I can. At times it is going to suck. Yeah, I really want to eat those damn Salted Caramel Pretzel Bars I made yesterday. And yes, I miss my Starbucks and wine...but I am stronger than that. I can come up with more reasons than not about why I can't do it, but I am going to make them reasons why I can.

1. The food isn't that bad, you get immune. But yeah, still sucks, but then again "normal life" isn't always perfect either. There are still going to be things that suck, so why not get stronger and sexier and just deal with it!
2. I still miss wine, not going to lie. April 12th baby!
3. I have learned how to lift and my trainer is motivating and a great teacher (and he says with most things I have perfect form!). I also have some great friends that teach me more and more everyday. Take that shit!
4. I am still short, but hey...I have to wear heels anyway! Plus, there are typically less girls in that class anyway! Better odds! And I will just work my booty and thighs that much harder!
5. I haven't tried to run more than a mile...but we all know what happened when I tried to run more than two minutes :)
6. Those friends suck. Yes, you know who you are. You SUCK. I got this...
7. I will be on their level. Jessica Wood, I am coming for you!
8. If it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be worth it...and everybody would do it. It is hard but I am stronger!
9. Time is going to pass anyway, why not use it to make a difference. I'm almost half way done!
10. Yep, there are much funner things to do with my time, but again end result is the most rewarding

and

11. I control my ability to follow through...no one else's story dictates or compares to my outcome.

People only get a little glimpse of my life. It is far from perfect. There are things I would desperately want to change...or get very discouraged about because I am unhappy with at times. My close friends know I cry and am sad far more than I should be. But you know what, it makes me stronger. I overcome it. I put on a brave face and keep on, keeping on! FUCK YEAH.

I got this. 

LD

Sometimes you just have to let it go...

Sometimes you just have to let it go. No matter what it is, let it go. This is a lesson I have learned over and over this week. I can't let things get the best of me. Both in my personal, professional and fitness life, I have had some challenging situations present themselves this week.

First off, I was frustrated about not losing weight. I have been kicking my tail. Yes, there may be times that I am not pushing my hardest, or not fulling realizing my potential...but I am working hard. I can take all the steps I need to take, and that is it. So, that is what I did. I talked with Rob and asked for a new diet. While it wasn't what I wanted to do, it is what I needed to do. Stop stressing and just move forward. Of course, the next day I dropped again to 123.8 from 125. I guess I lose all my weight on Fridays. Happens every time...another way God likes to show me who is boss. On the plus side, I do not have to start that diet. Rob didn't really want me to change it, because it would only make cutting weight harder towards the end.

I have also learned that sometimes you just can't have what you want. There are two things that I really want in my life right now. Really bad. While both will remain nameless, one could come to be (although I would have to go out of my comfort zone for it)...and the other is pretty far out of sight, never to be realized. Being in sales, I feel I can change anything. I can fix anything...I can make it go my way. But apparently, life isn't like sales. You can't just always work things out to make it right. But I try and I try hard. I look into things that maybe I shouldn't...and I over-think and persuade myself into thinking it will work out. I need to stop. I need to focus on understanding reality.

While these things would be amazing (and my weight loss too)-and a blessing to every party involved...I need to have them fall into my life willingly. Have it be ready to happen. How do I do that? Seriously, it is something that I challenge myself to understand everyday. I need to worry less and trust more. Worrying is like praying for the wrong thing to happen. It is showing no belief of who and what you are; what you are capable of.  I have felt for so long that God has hated me and purposely tries to prevent good things from my life. Seriously. You have probably heard me say that-several times. There are times that I seriously still think that. While I still have faith, I continuously struggle with that. I am afraid. I panic. I don't want to miss out.

Ok, enough about that...just a little personal thought from my mind today.

That is all. But I am at 123.8 bitches!

LD

I feel a meltdown coming on...

It has been a while since my last post! Wow, I felt like it was coming out as "Father, it has been a while since my last confession..." Damn, I am not even Catholic! But it definitely has been a while since we last caught up! We have now made it over the Thanksgiving holiday and are prepping up for Christmas! Yay!! I love Christmas time for so many reasons. Between parties, time with family and presents...it is so much fun!

A lot of has happened since we last talked...let's review it now:

The week of Thanksgiving...

This week was my first week of high intensity training (HIT) with Robb. I didn't know what that meant exactly, but I knew I was going to hate my life. I was correct. I have never worked out that hard in my life. Not only did I start with cardio, but I continued on a circuit that would kill even Ironman. I did jump squats, mountain climbers, jump lunges, and I would tell you the rest...but I burned it out of my memory! It was horrible! I mean it was great...and Robb is great...but it was not fun!  On top of it, Rob said if I didn't start losing weight...I would have to do two of these trainings a week. Talk about stress on losing weight! Plus, an additional $75 a week wasn't really in my budget.

I had the opportunity to have a cheat day for Thanksgiving...and I didn't really do it! I for sure thought that I would want all that amazing food, but after a while I just decided to me it wasn't worth it. It is so weird how that happens. Every time I think about cheating or eating something that is not on my diet, I think about how hard I will have to work to get myself back on track. That being said, I did have some of my mom's UH-MAY-ZING cranberry pie. It is something I look forward to every year! So much so, I bought two bags of cranberries at the grocery store this week so I can have her make it in April! Yep, that is going to happen! Another thing that contributed to my focused Thanksgiving day meal plan was my crazy Black Thursday/Friday  shopping habits! I didn't have time to eat! I had to prep and stand in line! The rest of the weekend also stayed strict to the diet and continued my workouts.

On to the next week...

Last week was a hard week for me. I continue to stay strict on my diet and workouts and have not been seeing the scale go down. AT ALL. I seriously am frustrated. I also was scared I would have to do MORE of that damn high intensity training...and spend more money! I met with Rob on Thursday and he basically said I wasn't working hard enough. I felt like crap. I want to be awesome, and not let him down! Apparently I was supposed to have been running a mile instead of doing sprint intervals on my workouts. Oops. I could have sworn I was doing everything perfect. Ugh. I will let you in on a little secret, however. I hate to run. This was like a death sentence when he told me the plan to run. I have NEVER run a mile in my life. NEVER. So guess what, he made me run a mile...in front of him...and I paid him for it! Then sprints. Then dead lifts. That was my training session. Magically, I was at 125 the next morning from 126.6. Damn it...I knew as soon as I told Robb, he would be like "see, you worked harder, you lost weight!" And I was right! I texted Robb first thing and he said, "See! Keep that running up! Sprints!" I hate it when things fall into place like that! I secretly didn't want him to be right!

The rest of the week I killed it at the gym. I was supposed to change from sprint intervals to running a mile...and I decided to do them both! I felt invincible at the gym . I may have even looked a little pompous walking around the gym...haha. I must admit...after two months...I am excited by going to the gym. Hell has frozen over.

Rounding out the week, I had a my mom's best friends annual Christmas party. This was a HUGE test for me. The most amazing food of the year was there. Wine flows like water. Not only did I show up two hours late ( Because I did go to the gym before AND because I didn't want two more hours of temptation!), but I also refrained from eating the cookies and candy and appetizers I lust for every other year! Damn, I am good! I felt even better-like I had defeated the Devil!

Coming into this week...

The meltdown is coming. I felt so amazing and awesome after last week- losing a pound and killing it in the gym. I continued to do my mile on the treadmill, sprints and weights. I had ran five miles...that is CRAZY! I also added the night of Bootcamp Rob does for his clients on Tuesday nights (which is not fun!). But I slowly became discouraged when my weight started going up...damn it! I was at 125...then 125.8...then today I am 126.8. Seriously, what the hell! I talked to Robb once again this morning and he said not to be worried, we have plenty of time and he's not worried. That's great and all, and I will continue to work my ass off, but I am frustrated. I need to see the scale drop. I need to see it change. I am frustrated. I will meet with him tonight to change my diet (and probably my workout)...but Lord help me! Oh, and to make matters worse...tonight is high intensity training. FML.

I will try and post more frequently...

And PS...if you do want to do this (which I HIGHLY encourage)...Rob is your dude. He is wonderful at what he does...and even though he will try to kill you...he does care!


LD